Didnt' feel great tonight. Only ran another mile. But i'm keepin on keepin on.

It's funny. At the time of my emotional splurge the other day, my forehand, in ping pong, endured a complete collapse for about 24 hours. But now that i have my emotions in control and they are in an upswing actually, my forehand is now rockin' the house with some nearly unhittable topspin. Funny how things work.

My tempermant has been soothed. I don't if i'm all the way back. But i'm feeling some rejuvenated i suppose. My outlook is quite better. No more f-bombs.

So last night i got blitzed. I was having a bad evening and i wanted to punish myself. So i went for it. I also took it out on the ping pong table as i thrashed some unsuspecting challengers(I was so on last night. On ...A ...Mission). But I was under the impression that I didn't have to work this morning so i would be fine. But my mom called me in because the normal driver for today was about to pass out because the heat(pussy). It really sucked working this morning because i didn't collapse into my bed til around 6 this morning. After i got home from work about about 1.30 I slept for about 2 and a half hours. Then I had to shag ass back to work. So the double was no good today. But after work I was able to run.

Run- I upped it to 1.5 miles. Woohaaah
It was a good little run. I'm feeling better.

Movies- I saw Wedding Crashers recently and was fairly pleased. It had some really funny moments and overall it was a lot of fun. Vince Vaughn can be amazing. He had some really great riffs in this movie. And Owen Wilson is always great. I rate this 7/10. Better than Old School. Better than Dodgeball. Not better than any Wes anderson movies however.

Music- And you will know us by the trail of dead- Will You smile again
I can't get enough of this song.

Anyway. I'm doing good. Sorry for the False alarm a couple days ago. I'm sure you all thought i'd gone mental.

Last night. Went for a real light jog...but that was exactly what i needed. My head was cleared. I was cured.

Day 1
1 mile(it was at 11 at night and i didn't want to do too much. Just wanted to get out there).

While I realize that my previous post may have been a bit harsh and, in hindsight, probably more than a little misguided, I refuse to apologize for those words because I feel they describe perfectly what I was feeling at the time.

That is all.

I'm fed up, i'm sick of it, and i've had it. I'm sick of people being in my freaking house every night staying up late. I'm sick of dreaming about mr. bills. It's like the place has impressed itself upon my mind. The fucking place is haunted or something man. I'm sick of being overweight, and drinking all the time, therefore never having any fucking energy. Oh and i'm sick of girls. I'm sick of girls that dance around the fucking issue. Girls who almost seemingly refuse to recognize another person's feelings. Or at least they don't fuckign respect them. I wish i could stop being weird. I guess i'm just not built that fucking way. I guess i've dropped too many F-bombs huh? Well i don't fucking care, because apart of fucking life. It's fucked up, and it's vulgar, and it's fucking twisted. For now on i'm only fucking worrying about my fucking self. And for those who i know give a damn. Because i put too much fucking time and stock into other peoples thoughts.

this was the worst fucking post i've ever written. Why do i write these anyway? I can just as easily write a journal for my own use. This is for other people right? Well who gives a shit about other people. Certainly not me. Not anymore.

I need a fucking break man. Cuz it's all crashing down on me. I gotta get it together. there are no freaking breaks. It just keeps pouring on. My time will for now and ever be devoted to what and who really matters. I'm not gonna waste my fucking time anymore. Fuck it.